Be Better, NOT Bitter

We have all been disappointed by someone else – a partner, boss, colleague, friend, family. Because we’re close with them, that disappointment can run deep and turn to bitterness.

That bitterness can eat you up. Don’t let it. Be BETTER, not bitter.

My story

I still have a beef with an ex-boss. I gave her invites to special events, networking events, professional member clubs, professional development programs. I covered her (and learned the meaning of “no good deed goes unpunished”) for work emergencies. I even hooked her up with speaking gigs.

No thanks received, none expected. Fine. Whatever.

What got me bitter?  It was always about her. Never mind the idea of your boss being your mentor (wasn’t going to happen and I became my mentor, and developed myself into what I am. Highly recommended.). I didn’t mind sharing things (that’s part of the abundance mentality).

What irked me was the take-take-take, all-for-me mentality of my ex-boss. For example, I wanted to join this professional association. I even said we could both join. I asked for her to sign-off so the company could pay. Her response? This is outside the scope of the company’s reimbursement.

Meanwhile, she took care of herself and signed herself up and expensed it! WTF!!

I have since moved on from the company and paid for the association fees out-of-pocket. I’ve also seen the ex-boss at events thrown by the association. I am definitely bitter. When I see her, I can’t help but think “YOU WOULD NOT BE AT THIS EVENT SCHMOOZING AWAY IF IT WERE NOT FOR ME. ACK!”

But I am over it. (OK, maybe not totally over it, since I’m writing about it in this post!). And there’s some takeaways here.

Takeaways/Lessons:

  • Resentments add up. Just like eating bad food or drinking booze each day adds up the calories, the seemingly small things that are done to you add up. There were many small things at my old jobs that, taken alone, seem trivial. But taken together, was a super-affront to my value and blocking me from becoming Socially Upward
  • Anyone can be fooled. Fool me once…shame on you. Fool me twice (and then thrice, and then again and again) shame on ME! When you work somewhere, you let things slide while the resentment builds up. Can happen in a relationship, with family members and with jobs.
  • Get BETTER and get over being BITTER. Use these experiences as gauges for the future. Be happy these transgressions happened. For example, I know the true nature of my ex-boss. Wish I knew it back then instead of suffering Stockholm Syndrome, but now I know to be on-guard

People can’t help themselves. So be aware. Be mindful. You are BETTER and socially upward by realizing that people will (almost) always be self-interested.